May 28 2009
Long Distance Relationship: Yay or Nay
After getting out of a seven year long relationship, I recently met someone that I can truly see myself with for the long haul. We dated for two months before becoming exclusive, and we have been happy together for a short but meaningful four months. In two months, my new boyfriend will be deployed with the Air Force Reserves, put into active duty and sent away for eight months. Its killing me to think that just as we begin to become comfortable with each other and finally start getting serious that he will be ripped away from me. With technology being what it is with Skype, text messaging, and email, I don’t feel like its going to be that difficult. I don’t think that I am fully accepting the situation, and am in a bit of denial. Its all in the name of trying to stay positive though. I also figure that we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.
If you ask for our personal opinions, I’d say Nay. I have put myself through almost 4 years of misery and deprivation thinking one day two of us will be able to be under one roof and will be able to have and enjoy all the normal things other normal people are being able to. I don’t really want to remember those days but sometimes when I look back…I have mixed feelings. A part of me asks me how I could be that stupid and the other part wants to feel fortunate to have been gone through what I did for now I know better.
We met online…he lived back home. When I went there for a family vacation we met and he became a part of my friend and family circle. After I returned here, he asked me out. At first I too, wasn’t sure if this could work out (my past relationships, although weren’t long distance, didn’t work out). But I decided to give it a shot anyway and wasted 4 productive years and lost so much….so so much that words can not describe. I can never have those days back…can never again believe in things I once did. Nine months after our breakup, when I had finally began regaining my strength there was another blow. I found out he got married and it’s already been close to 4 months. He had been cheating on me at the same time he has been going to my friends’ house to celebrate birthdays, family dinners, meeting my father on his visits to the country, receiving gifts that my mother has been sending him.
He even introduced the girl to me a few months after our breakup. I left the relationship in early 2006 when I smelled something. The man started being very distant and suddenly most of my calls were going to answering machine. A person who could not be away without letting me know where he is going and for how long was suddenly too busy to even answer my emails and phone calls. I confronted him, he denied everything. I gave him two chances, he let them slid by. That’s when I decided enough is enough. I’m not going to drag this on and waste myself any longer.
Then 9 months down the road I found out all these things that I can’t really share. It took a lot of strength, courage and support to get back on my feet and to…just be…positive about life again. I still don’t know why or exactly when he started cheating on me or was he being loyal to me at all!
I am married now to a person I’ve known for several years. He has been right under my nose for all these years yet I had NO idea I’d be one day married to him.
So…if you really want an advice I’ll say please, for your own sake, be aware and please don’t fool yourself by putting up with crap. If you have a gut feeling, TRUST it. If you or both of you sense that handling this long distance thing is too much, be open and straight about it. Maybe take a hiatus until he returns. Then maybe you can start over. If you can’t start over, don’t force yourselves.
I say go for it!! I have never been in a long distance relationship, but if you are both commited it will work. It won’t be east but if you guys can tuff it out it would def. be worth it! Good luck and keep us posted!